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Trevor & I – The beginning
Even before I met Trevor, he had his mind made up about joining the Marine Corps. He once told me that he would have enlisted after high school if he didn’t get an offer to run in college competitively. That’s where we met and that’s where my life started as a military spouse.
Trevor is just a year older than me, so when I came to the University of Wisconsin-Stout to run on the women’s cross country team and major in Hotel, Restaurant, and Tourism, he was already a seasoned college student. Trevor was majoring in Engineering Technology and in contact with the Marine Recruitment office to become a Marine Officer after he graduated from his Bachelor’s program.
Trevor was crushing hard on me as soon as I stepped on the pavement my first morning of cross country camp, a week before school began. It was even Trevor who asked me to be his beer pong partner at my first college party. To bad I was dating another guy and had no interest in his animal print beer vest he wore, haha!
It took me two years to finally open up my eyes and see this cute, funny, man that was right in front of me. We had a marvelous summer fling that turned serious pretty fast. Trevor soon became my biggest supporter in life and I take credit for opening him up more to the world (he new nothing of girls before me. He only has a brother and never had a girl friend before).
I think it is easy to say that we made each other better people. Trevor proposed to me the summer before we graduated. It was perfect timing. Trevor graduated a semester late (4.5 years) and I graduated a semester early (3.5 years). He proposed a wedding date to me the week before we graduated. He would be commissioning to join the Marine Corps February 1st and leaving for The Basic School to become an officer in May. Trevor asked if we could get married before then so we could live together during that time.
That left me 4 months to plan a wedding. A wedding that I had been waiting and planning for my whole life. Of course I said yes, and then panicked haha. But we had the wedding of our dreams, honey mooned in Lake Tahoe, and moved to Stafford, Virginia two days later.
Where I start my Military Journey – The Basic School, Stafford, Virginia
Trevor joined the Marine’s in February and that will always be his commissioning date but for me, military life didn’t really start until we made the move to Virginia. The move to Virginia was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Moving away from home and to a huge city was a lot for this small town girl. And if a new wife, a recent college graduate, and a new military spouse wasn’t enough why not add in a new puppy to make things interesting.
We adopted our puppy Lola a week after moving down to Virginia. She was a gift sent from heaven looking back. Adopting a new puppy, Trevor and I agreed that I wouldn’t work, so I could take care of her since she couldn’t be left home alone for long periods of time. I became a house wife which was amazing, but also left me trying to fill some voids in my life.
This is where I start to fill some of the my spare time with training for my first marathon and starting my blog!! We lived in a small one bedroom apartment and lived paycheck to paycheck. We were making more money then either of us ever have but life outside of Washington D.C. was expensive. I had to learn to budget and pay bills for the first time.
Trevor’s training was very intense and he worked long hours and sometimes was gone for the whole week. This left me with a lot of alone time. Let me restate this, this left me feeling really lonely.
*If you are familiar with military spouses, than you might agree with me or disagree with me on my next comments, but this is just from my personal experience and do not look down on military spouse organized events. They are just something I am not overly enthused to become apart of, but am something I might consider trying out again in the future.
What makes being a military spouse different than any other spouse out there, other than all the benefits, is the community that is built around the words military spouse. There are so many different military spouses out there and they are living right where you are and experiencing the lifestyle and challenges that you are.
Now this is all really amazing and can really help you feel less alone and build a sort of family away from home. Unfortunately, I did not connect with any spouses in Virginia. Moving to the area and Trevor joining The Basic School there were a lot of fellow military spouses and spouse events. I attended several at the beginning and met a lot nice women.
Most of these women were seasoned military spouses, having their husbands being enlisted Marine’s before attending The Basic School. This left a wide age gap and couple kids running around the events and everyone seemed to know each other already. For me, I had a lot of trouble connecting with women. I lacked a lot of experience and most of the conversation was then geared towards telling me how my life was going to turn out or where we should live. It was too much for me and a lot of the information was wrong.
My last event I went to, the wives all spoke a different language the whole time, so I never attended another one. I know of other military spouses that have thrived at these events but for me it was what I thought being in a sorority would feel like. Events all the time but then everyone splitting into groups and those not knowing anyone being left out.
Lola happen to be my saving grace. Since we were living in an apartment I had to take her for long walks serveral times a day. This got me out of the house. We spent many hours walking around the apartment complex, and exploring different parks in the area. We also met friends at the dog park. All my friends I made in Virginia were dog owners and we met through Lola. We often met up at the dog park several times a week and let the dogs play and talked about the dogs.
As much as I wanted to move when we were living there (I wanted a bigger house, a yard, a job, all the things), looking back I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with Trevor there. Our small apartment was cozy. We also spent time exploring the area on the weekends. We visited lots of breweries, historical sites, and enjoyed lots of outdoor activities in the area.
Moving to Florida – Flight School, Pensacola, Florida
We spent 7 months in Virginia before moving to Florida. When ever you are in the military you never know how long you are going to be somewhere or when your next move is going to be. We rented a house, unseen, and lucked out with a beautiful big backyard. The house was big but old. The flow of the house didn’t make a ton of sense and it was pretty dark through out.
The house had beautiful location though. We were only a short distance walk to an inlet of the bay. We got to see the water everyday and there was a friendly walking path close by. I was able to get a job at Florida’s oldest country club that was only a 5 minute commute. And we lived only 15 minutes away from base for Trevor’s convivence as well.
Life was good for the first couple of months in Florida. We quickly made friends with other flight students and their wives. I joined a military spouse kick ball team and started a bachelor watch party every Monday. Life was hopeful after being lonely in Virginia. Then the pandemic hit.
When the pandemic hit, Florida never really responded the way some states did. Life was different but not to the extent of some. Our kickball league ended and we didn’t get to visit friends. Life became lonely again for a time. And for military members, life is run by the orders of your command. Trevor was not allowed to do anything which held up training and pushed our time here in Florida longer.
Travel restriction, local life, and work life all changed dramatically for Trevor. It was almost a year before Trevor was able to see his family again. He sadly missed his grandpa’s funeral. I imagine everyone experienced some kind of devastation like this! I’m sorry for everyone’s pandemic experience and hope life is getting settled in our new normal.
Unfortunately, our time in Florida has thrown us multiple curve balls. When we first moved down here, the shooting at NAS Pensacola took place. I was thankful Trevor had not left for work yet, but we heard all the sirens and attend the memorial drive for the ones that died that day. It still gives me goose bumps today as I write about it.
Of course the pandemic. We also got hit with Cristobal Tropical storm and than Hurricane Sandy which left mass destruction and caused us to move out of our house.
Moving to Milton, Florida
The hurricane left us with a massive hole in our living room ceiling and our fence completely destroyed. We decided to move to Milton, Florida which was 40 miles north of our house. The housing was a little too expensive for our budget and we decided to move in to a big 4 bedroom house with roommates to help with the costs.
I have never once felt lonely living in this new house. Someone is always home which makes me feel safe. Although it has been hard giving up some of the things I had when I had a house to myself, it has been worth it for our budget. This lifestyle change will put us out of debt this year and help us to start investing and saving for a down payment on a house and retirement.
Milton is smaller than Pensacola so it gives off that small town feel which I appreciate. Covid has also died down with the release of the vaccine and we are able to get out and explore more of the area. I’ve also started to train for another marathon which has helped give me a routine and healthy living habits.
Life has started to feel normal as a military spouse. Getting settled in an area helps as you create your favorite restaurants, beach spots, or walking route. A routine really helps me to stay focused and create purpose in my life. I still burst out in tears from time to time because I miss my family and the Midwest but I always remind myself that I will get back there one day.
Now we have been in Florida for about a year and half, I am getting itch to move somewhere new, but have honestly enjoyed being close to the beach. The night life is fun here when we are able to get out and enjoy it. I am not sure where we are going next or when that will be, but I am looking forward to our next adventure.
4 Things I have learned as a Military Spouse
Communication with your Spouse is Key
I believe every strong relationship should be built on a foundation of constant communication, but especially with military families. Trevor’s schedule and plans are always changing. Trevor doesn’t get his work schedule until 5pm the night before and it is always changing even after that. The weather, a change in command, or just a scheduling conflict can always come up and either call him off of work or in to work depending on the situation. This can throw off plans and also make it hard to plan for the future, even if it is just the weekend we are trying to plan for.
Trevor is great at communicating with me right away when his plans change or when he finds out his schedule. This is so helpful for me to just know what his day is going to look like the following day or planning for dinner. I also in turn make sure to ask him alot about his job. Right now Trevor is in training as a flight student and his training process is hard to keep track of. I constantly have to ask him where he is at and how much longer until he graduates so I can understand what his training timeline is like.
Another huge communication key for myself is to just be vulnerable with Trevor about my feelings. Being on this journey with him so far from home can stir up lots of different emotions for myself. Sometimes I’m watching a movie and just burst in to tears because I miss my family and the movie reminded me of that. Or sometimes I just get angry or have anxiety about what the military is asking of Trevor. Helping to know that Trevor is feeling a lot of the same things helps me to know I am not alone.
2. Find a Purpose
Something that was really hard for me when Trevor commissioned into the Marines, was giving up some of dreams. I wanted to own my own event business and live on a farm. Now that we move so often, I feel like I am having to put those dreams on hold until after Trevor’s military career is over. At first I really struggled with this, but then I decided to change my situation and give myself a purpose. This meant creating new goals and dreams even if they are just for the time being.
For me this meant training for a marathon and creating my blog. This gave me something to work towards and accomplish wherever we might be living. And when someone asked me, “well what do you do?” I always have an answer. A couple different ideas to helping you find your purpose is finding a job in a field you love, getting involved in a local church, volunteering, starting a family, or concentrating on your favorite hobbies.
3. Having a Routine
OK, I am a messy person that is not good at planning, but having a routine even if it is a very basic routine helps me stayed grounded. Trevor’s schedule is so chaotic that sometimes it gives me stress and anxiety, but if I have a routine of my own and not work off of his schedule I find myself way more relaxed and productive.
Like I said I am not super organized but I do have a training plan for my marathon. I plan out which days I am going to run and the distance, my work schedule, and put priority on my blog. These are things that I must get done regardless of what Trevor is doing. I can say that I am definitely so much more happier when I feel like I had an accomplished day getting done everything I had planned then just flying by the seat of my pants.
4. Take Advantage of your Location
Unless your have been stationed in your home town, you are probably in a new area and there is always a lot to explore in a new location. Taking advantage of living away from home can be fun when you use your free days to try new restaurants, tourist attractions, or different outdoor parks. Trevor and I always love to try out new breweries!
Some of our favorite memories are when we get out and explore the town. We also take advantage of weekends off and drive even up to 3 hours away to visit different cities. Virginia had a lot of great places around in driving distance that we were able to travel too. Here in Florida, we have been going to all the different beaches and trying all the dive bars around them!
